Interpersonal communication is the exchange that takes place between people who are in some way “connected.” Through the words, tone of voice and non-verbal behaviors of others, leaders can learn how to connect with the full messages sent by others and decode those messages down to the nuance. By looking through the Interpersonal Lens, leaders see things that are often missed by those who are disinclined to develop a real connection with other people. Effective

Interpersonal Lens use allows leader the space to test their understanding of the verbal and written messages they receive. By tuning into the cues and clues sent by the other person, the leader gains insights into who they are and what they need. This information helps leaders adapt their leadership style and their communication methods to better fit with the preferences of the other person and in so doing stands a better chance of relating. The primary tool associated with the Interpersonal Lens is appreciative inquiry, a sophisticated listening and questioning practice of remaining “in the moment” with the communicator to gather accurate information and increase new understanding.

The Interpersonal Lens makes it possible to gain understanding of what people need to be successful, why people do not always approach problem solving in the same way, and how to adapt one’s own repertoire of skills to build rapport and trust. Leaders who value the Interpersonal Lens will demonstrate the ability to actively listen, to check assumptions, and to spend time getting to know people for who they are beyond their work roles. When using the Interpersonal Lens, leaders don’t have to begin by accommodating and tolerating all types of behavior. Instead, they learn how to critically observe and engage in an attempt to find more value and discover points of connection.

Three Focal Points of the Interpersonal Lens

When leaders look through this lens they:

Appreciate individuals of diverse backgrounds, experiences, and approaches.

• Invite people to participate in dialogues and facilitate the discussion of conflicting points of view.
• Adapt to individual preferences and know how to leverage the strengths of others

Encourage the balanced use of inquiry and advocacy.

• Model concise, clear and compelling advocacy.
• Practice active listening to guard against faulty assumptions and inferences.

Inspire trust and respect through the effective use of multi-communication methods.

• Move from one communication channel to another with ease, such as one to one, group and written communication.
• Practice openness, soliciting feedback and sharing feedback to build trust and respect.

This is an excerpt from Chapter VII
 of Shockproof: How to Hardwire Your Business for Lasting Success (Deb Jacobs Hamby, Garrett Sheridan and Juan Pablo Gonzáles)

This is part 4 of our Leadership Lens series.

Part 1: The Systems Lens 

Part 2 : The Value Lens 

Part 3: The Change Lens