Recently, I met with a long time client to discuss the leadership development needs of two key players in his business. I had been coaching this client, who had recently been named CEO, for a few years now, but I had also noticed that as the change-of-control event approached he was seemingly slowing down in his commitment to our work together. Each time we spoke about this perceived shift in his enthusiasm, he assured me he was simply in a reactive mode given the exceptional demands on him as he transitioned from COO to CEO.

Despite these frequent reassurances, I wondered. How might I have kept him better engaged? Was it possible that I was no longer offering enough value? Was he just trying to let me down gently and move on?

Although we continued to meet by phone and occasionally would meet off-site at our set meeting time for an intense coaching session or catch up, I chose to read his change in focus as a clear sign that he was approaching the end of his work with me, whatever the rationale. I fully expected that now that he was “officially” the CEO he would follow in the footsteps of many other new chief executives and choose to believe he no longer needed to spend time working on himself as a leader. I knew the ego could play tricks on the cognitive capabilities of a rising executive. The new title all too often reinforced the ready belief that one is a finished product. The leader who was once fiercely engaged in his or her learning and development while in the running for a top tier job would, more often than not, put the brakes on full force once officially ordained. Coach fired. Relationship over.

I share this background with you to put into context the surprise I received when my meeting with this client about the development and coaching needs of his two leaders was in the final stages of wrapping up. My client asked to speak to me alone, away from the new COO and my colleague, both whom had joined us in the earlier meeting to discuss the broader initiative.

“Oh, oh, here it comes”, I thought. I was less worried about how losing him as a client would impact my bottom line than I was about how he’d fare in his new role, given the new stakes he and the owners had recently put in the ground. I knew this leader was magnificent when everything was in balance, when he was optimally mindful and working with fresh frameworks and new tools. Conversely, when this same leader was at his worst, the business tended to stall, his direct reports became paralyzed with fear and he resorted to intimidation to get results. Key team members considered moving to other businesses, suppliers stopped negotiating from a place of mutual trust, and end-customers began to shop around. Would this leader, having spent considerable time reflecting on how he had showed up and how that behavior impacted overall organizational performance, dismiss those empirical connections and go back to flying by the seat of his pants?  So, I cleared my throat, crossed one leg with the other and sat there anticipating getting the boot.

Instead, though, he told me that he had been thinking about how he had been leading the last six months and that he didn’t like how his leader behavior “was trending”. He shared several quick examples of recent interactions with peers, the Board, suppliers and in each situation he said that an old part of him self had somehow taken over, a part of himself he didn’t subscribe to and wanted to exorcise moving forward. “I want to get back on track with our work”, he said, simply. “I don’t want to show up as CEO the way I have been showing up lately, though I appreciate that you let me figure that out for myself.”  He went on,  “I want the people who are counting on me to get a better me than they have been getting of late. So … let’s get things revved up again.”

I heard him go on to say that he wanted his new team to learn what he had come to appreciate about being an active listener, treating people with dignity and respect no matter where they might be in the pecking order, having the courage to give open, honest and balanced feedback, slowing down and testing his mental models before advocating a position, erring on the side of asking questions to gain understanding, and so forth. I must admit, I was caught off guard by the long, enthusiastic list of wants.

As he spoke, my heart raced with excitement that he had come to the realization that he needed to keep growing and learning, that his job was so big it could benefit from a partner who could be a kind of third eye, a clear mirror to him in the lonely and often dark space that is often the corner office. He spoke with wit and wisdom about the challenges he faced, the need to mobilize the right leadership team to align the rest of the organization around an exciting strategy that could only work if every person gave his or her best, and pulled together.

As we laid high level plans for how we would regain the lost momentum, I leaned in and gave him a long hug.  Stepping away, I told him how much I appreciated that he wanted to partner with me for this next phase in his career, and how dedicated I was to helping him take it all in and turn it all upside down before putting something new together.  He was bursting with positive energy and ideas, asking what I thought about using the Five Dysfunctions at the next meeting and encouraging me to reach out to a new executive team member to introduce myself. It was positively riveting.

When I stepped out of his office, I took the subway to Madison Square Park and walked to the fountain benches, grabbing one near the Shake Shack. Sitting down, I looked around and caught myself basking in the warmth of my client’s commitment to his development.  Fortunately, I saw myself smirking as I looked into the fountain pool. The look helped me reclaim my humility as I remembered that as soon as I think I am instrumental in the changes that are happening around me, the positive growth that is consistent with my own convictions, I have to take a quick step back and look in the mirror. I have to be sure that I am not so enamored by the outcomes that I fool myself into believing I am the chief alchemist.  Rather, I am a leader just like my client who has good days and bad days, some weeks I am trending down and others I am trending up. Like the leaders with whom I work, I am continually refining how I lead, testing new ways of being, meeting with my coach/therapist on Fridays at 5:00 pm (when not with a client) to examine how I can be a better source of support for those counting on me.

With each attempt to grow as a leader myself, I gain empathy and perspective about the journeys my clients have chosen to pursue both inside and outside of themselves and the companies they lead.